Whoever Wins The Election, I Look Forward To Trashing You On Facebook

Since Laurence Mawhinney’s retirement in 2012, posting hostile, insulting rants on Facebook about the mayor has become a Lunenburg tradition. It’s a practice enjoyed by townspeople from all walks of life, rich and poor, right and left, angry and bored. And on October 19th, this proud custom will continue, and we will once again go to the polls and elect a new target for our collective online rage. 

Whoever wins, I am excited to post trash about you every day until the end of your term.

Like many Facebook users, I spend my days clutching my iPad, stewing with anger at a world that has passed me by. Now that vaccine stuff has calmed down, I’m ready to refocus my social media vitriol at my elected officials on a local level. That means you, whoever you turn out to be.

It’s nothing personal. It’s not even about the issues. Keep the Academy, sell the Academy, there’s no winning with me. I vow to find something wrong with whatever you’re doing and never let it go. Political local Facebook groups have become so central to my sense of self, that if I go a week without posting a meme about how you’re a buffoon, I won’t even know who I am.

Of course, if I see you in the grocery store or at the post office, I will politely say “Good morning!” as if none of this ever happened. And you’ll just have to smile and pretend along with me. You’re not allowed to stoop to my level.

You can try to just log off and ignore me, but I can assure you that my comments will be so constant, so outrageous and so hurtful that everyone will have no choice but to talk about them. From the moment the votes are tallied until you resign in frustration, you won’t be able to avoid my constant barrage of opinionated rants.

And I’m not alone. My friends all encourage this kind of behavior. I could easily get a group of people to come to my house to record a folk song about how you’re a coward and post it on YouTube. No one would find that weird. That’s just the kind of town we are now. You can rest assured that even if something happens to me and I delete my account, 10 more creeps will take my place.

A healthy democracy doesn’t just require strong leaders. It also requires an annoying, obsessive citizenry to cyber-bully those leaders on social media. May the best candidate win, I look forward to working with you.

12 Comments

  1. This is the best article I have seen grace the online pages of the Barnacle. It’s as if logical thought and decency does actually exist in Lunenburg!

    Well done, and spot on. Thank you for posting.

  2. Maybe you should ask yourself “Do I really belong here?”
    “Can these Lunenburg morons even begin to understand my genius?”
    Hey , Byrn , take a couple of Weeks to pack and find greener pastures to enjoy .They are already receptive to fertilizer .
    You are far too clever for the likes of mere mortals .
    Don’t let the door hit you on your way out .
    Fair winds

  3. I. Am. Shocked.

    When an old school Lunenburger is confronted they bring out the old school classic – if you don’t like it leave position. Well done. Intelligence at its pinnacle.

    Heaven forbid Lunenburgers have a healthy, respectful debate on the current state of affairs in local politics.

    As soon as anyone has anything to say that goes against the grain, the Lunenburg Royalty comes out to play.

    You can live in Lunenburg, so long as you are unable to think for yourself. If by some miracle of god you do possess this worldly ability- keep you pie hole shut. Thems the rules!

    Stay classy Lunenburg.

  4. “Heaven forbid Lunenburgers have a healthy, respectful debate on the current state of affairs in local politics.”

    Please explain what part of Mr Pottie’s sarcastic rant fits your description .
    Yours Sincerely
    HRM , Martha

  5. Such a great article!!! Could someone share this to the Concerned Citizens of Mahone Bay and Lunenburg County FB group. I left the group due to this exactly but would so love for this to be shared there.

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