I was thinking about what to write about in this month’s column as I careened down the 103 to the sounds of a screaming baby while I worked on finding crackers for his older sister under a pile of wrappers, coffee cups and (probably?) important mail.
Also running through my head that day? Paying for ballet lessons, wondering if the kids eat enough vegetables (no), finally replying to texts from friends, and taking a scalding hot mental health shower as soon as we survived the drive.
Perhaps my tolerance these days is lowered by the fact my usually hands-on husband has been tied up in house renos. (Don’t get within five feet of me or you WILL hear about it.)
But why hadn’t parental burnout occurred to me before? Probably because this chronic state of exhaustion and overwhelm just feels normal now.
The U.S. Surgeon General issued an advisory on the mental health and well-being of parents a few months ago. On social media, #17diapers is trending after a mom of two showed the world how many nappies were around her house after a weekend of parenting alone.
But we are all parenting alone now, aren’t we? Families have gotten more nuclear, and we don’t have the social support of the past. For a lot of parents, there is no break and there is no village.
We are also the first generation of parents who are trying to “gentle parent” while we weren’t as kids. Parenting while reparenting ourselves. Parents now are spending more time than ever with their kids. While this is a beautiful thing, it also means we must stay emotionally available and regulated, every day, all day.
I wish I had the answers. The best thing I know to do is talk about it, lean on the friends who have the bandwidth… and give ourselves some grace when we’re on day six hair.
