QUIZ: Which Lunenburg mural forecasts your love life in 2024? 

Valentine’s Day can often be more of a day of disappointment than a day celebrating romantic love.

For example, in eighth grade, I travelled to Halifax during Valentine’s Day week with my mother and sister to visit family. When I returned to school the following week, I rushed to my homeroom mailbox, expecting it to be filled with Hershey Kisses and dollar-stone candy hearts from my peers. But my mailbox was empty. My best friend then delivered the terrible news: a fellow student had taken advantage of my absence during the holiday and eaten all the treats in my mailbox. (I won’t name him here, though it would give me great pleasure to oust him for this unforgivable crime.)

Others might have experienced a Valentine’s Day disaster of a more romantic nature. Either way, disappointment is a product of expectations being let down. Therefore, I would like to set realistic expectations for this quiz.

In forecasting your love life for 2024, I will certainly not promise you that an extremely compatible person will spawn into your life and respond to your texts within a respectable 48-hour window. I will not promise that you will nurture a connection so natural, it feels like you are two hapless Sims being programmed to like each other. Like a horoscope or an erratic stranger giving you unsolicited life advice in the check-out line at Canadian Tire, this quiz must be taken with a grain of salt. 

Which of these first date ideas fills you with abject dread?

The idea of any first date fills me with abject dread.

Going to an overpriced bar where the music is too loud to have an actual conversation so most of the evening is spent yelling, “What? Sorry?” while smiling apologetically.

Going to a restaurant where your date used to work. They continuously have small-talk conversations with all the staff and customers they know and consistently introduce you as their “new friend” because they’re obviously unsure how to refer to you.

Being told by some crunchy, overly enthusiastic person to meet at an off-grid location unfindable by Google Maps in order to enjoy nature together. Showing up thirty minutes late because the meet-up location was unfindable by Google Maps.

Is Valentine’s Day a real holiday, or just a way for some companies to make money?

It’s not my thing, but I’m happy some people enjoy it.

It’s just a way for Shoppers Drug Mart to cash in on selling thirty-dollar teddy bears.

I don’t observe it at all. I don’t need a specific day to celebrate meaningful relationships in my life.

It’s a real holiday, and I love it!

Which 90s sitcom currently represents your love life?

Seinfeld.

Boy Meets World.

Friends.

Ellen.

What is your biggest beige flag in a prospective partner?

They only shop at Sobeys, despite No Frills and Fresh Cuts existing nearby.

They unironically refer to Kentville or Bridgewater as “the city”.

They look up answers on their phone for pub trivia and insist that it’s "Not cheating because I already knew that, I just wanted to check if I was right."

There are about fifty empty Tim Hortons cups in their car, and they seem to be at peace with this.

Are you the kind of person to steal Valentine’s candy from an eighth-grader’s homeroom mailbox while she’s away on a family vacation in Halifax?

Yes, but I’m smart enough not to get caught.

I might do that, but I would regret it afterwards.

I would never steal!

There’s no need to steal – I’d get way more candy than her anyways.