Push + Pull is a new column examining the tidal currents of creativity and partnership with Jackie Stanley.
Our love blossomed into a creative relationship very early on.
We’d lived together for just over a year when we collaborated on our first piece of music. I entered the proverbial space of his music respectfully, but I surprised myself by having creative opinions straight away. Without hesitation, I told him what I thought he should do differently, and he wasn’t afraid to teach me what he knew.
Trust and compromise are the tides that have created two decades worth of shared personal growth and countless tangible works of art.
It’s all about flow.
The absence of fear is a crucial component of an equitable relationship. Whether it’s a professional partnership, a creative one or a romantic one, fear is going to kill the vibe. Lack of trust is going to curb the flow. An imbalanced power dynamic is going to tilt the outcome in favour of one partner’s journey. Partnership feeds on compromise; it sounds obvious but sometimes it’s more difficult in execution than we’d like to believe. To adapt our behaviours or intentions just enough to make space for another – but not so much that we destroy our own sense of autonomy – is a nuanced act.
It’s easier to believe that one of us is “right.” To dig in our heels and hold fast to our own vision is oftentimes necessary for survival, particularly for those of us whose existence may be more marginalized than our partner’s, whose optimal role it might be to serve as an ally. Sharing a creative vision that overrides either partner’s personal ambition makes the creation process much more balanced.
Sometimes, nothing can phase me. Other times, I feel exceedingly fragile. Collaboration, whether it’s building a homestead or writing an album, can occur under any of these conditions. The harmonious ones are sweeter, gentler, and safer.
Sometimes, we butt heads. We see situations from different angles; we’re motivated at different times. Eventually, though, we return to the current of self-assuredness that ripples within. We trust one other to do the “right thing,” whatever that might be in a given moment.
