10 Things You Should Never Say To Someone Who Is Moving To Liverpool

If you’ve been on the South Shore long enough, chances are you’ve wondered what your life would be like in Liverpool. For those of us brave enough to act out those fantasies, the move to Queens County can be an exciting, yet uneasy transition. While we future-Liverpudlians recognize that everyone is just trying to help, here are some things that we are all sick of hearing.

1 – Hey, I Hear You’re Moving To Liverpool

Yeah, to get away from all the friggin gossips around here. Who told you I’m moving to Liverpool, and why were you talking to them about my business?

2 – Wow, Liverpool? That’s So Far!

Is it? Is it really? It’s less than 30 minutes from Bridgewater. How is that far? You know where’s far? Chester! They barely even have a friggin grocery store, but no one ever talks about how far Chester is. “Worth the drive,” they say. As if.

3 – OK, OK I Guess It’s Not That Far. You Don’t Need To Be So Defensive About It.

I’m just stating facts. How is that being defensive? No one asked for your opinion on how far Liverpool is in the first place! You’re all obsessed with Liverpool being far. It’s not!

4 – Back In High School, I Actually Used To Date Someone From Liverpool

Sure you did. And the only reason no one ever saw you two together is because you were always at their place, far away in Liverpool? And the reason you two never went to any Parkview dances was because there always just happened to be a Liverpool dance the same night? You’ve been telling me this story since 2003, and I still don’t buy it.

5 – Diving Right Into ‘The Pool’ Eh?

Don’t call it ‘The Pool’ unless you been there.

6 – The Fire Hydrants There Are Painted Like British Army Guys, And That Weirds Me Out

I admit that they should probably paint at least some of them to look like other types of people, but I think the idea is cute. Lunenburg’s fire hydrants are a total snooze, and Town Council isn’t even trying to do anything about it. Until you at least try to beautify your hydrants, you  have no right to criticize!

7 – What’s So Great About Liverpool?

Just ask multiple Juno Award-winning Canadian power couple Chantal Kreviazuk and Raine Maida. On November 9th of this year, they could’ve just as easily played the Lunenburg Opera House or the Chester Playhouse but instead, they played the Astor Theatre – in Liverpool! Enjoy your free violin concerts, or whatever live music you guys can scrounge up. Out here in Liverpool we get treated to Canadian easy listening royalty.

8 – Liverpool, Like Where The Beatles Are From!

That’s a common misconception. The Beatles were from Manchester, it was actually The Monkees who were from Liverpool. I would know because I’m moving to Liverpool.

9 – Won’t You Miss Living So Close To A UNESCO Site?

No, actually. All of the forests in Queens County happen to be part of a UNESCO biosphere reserve.  Turns out there’s more than one UNESCO site in Nova Scotia. We just don’t all shout from the rooftops about it every chance we get, like some towns I could name.

10 – Sorry, We Can’t Publish This Listicle. We’re The Lunenburg Barnacle, Not The Liverpool Barnacle

Typical anti-Liverpool media bias.


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